just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
