yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
