Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize