I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I smell like Dick and happiness
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
