Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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