The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
