last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
