I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
