I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
