my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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