Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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