Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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