it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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