thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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