I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
