im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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