Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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