Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
