He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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