Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
did i walk over a car last night?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
