I wannas sexs uuuuu
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
