I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
