I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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