I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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