We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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