I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
