I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
