Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
