Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
