Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's shark week go big or go home
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
