I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
