when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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