my mouth tastes like poor choices
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
