there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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