I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize