I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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