Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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