I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
