How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize