but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
