K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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