went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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