So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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