Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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