no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
where are my eyebrows?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize