I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Panties = found
Randomize