I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
