Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm going to jail i love you
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
