sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
