i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
