sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
please don't ironically join a cult
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