he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
