Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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