Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
