it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
