Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
