Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
