Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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