I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
