i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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