yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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