i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
