I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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