she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
so much tequila, so little girl.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
