Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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