Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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