You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
