guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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