I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
