Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
