he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
